Bitter Sweet

Loving her is a bitter sweet sort of feeling. Sometimes it hurts to love somebody so much and not having them reciprocate, well knowing that at one point they loved you probably more than you loved them. And sometimes its sweet because I never knew I was capable of loving someone this way. There is no great pleasure in life to love someone with out the burden of expectations. I miss seeing her smile, I miss expecting her texts all the time, I miss her voice and the naughtiness of it, I miss those dark circles that were the most beautiful thing about her, I miss those oliee stickers, I miss it all but only thing that gives me strength is that she is happy in her life. After all that is what love should be like. To see her smile is the greatest gift in life but to know that she is smiling even if I am not able to see is good enough to be happy.

After a phase where I was unable to let her go, there came a time when I realized the more I fight, the more she was drifting away. It pains that people questioned my love, my intentions when all I was trying was to save this relationship for both of us. I believed it in my heart that we were always meant to be. So I tried as hard as I could.  It hurts that she never looked back even when I am standing in the same place she left me. But my ex was right that she should not fall in my trap, it will only cause pain to her and her family. A trap where ironically I am the one who lost everything. It hurts that even after giving it all I had to change that but it still proved to be right. It hurts to be called a fake when all I tried was to love her so she could see what she means in my life. But it hurts the most to know that I failed miserably. In retrospection it does seem that I forced her into something she never needed. I became the reason to shatter her life to pieces.

Then one day I gathered the courage to leave her alone because her friends requested saying that I should find a new spoon. It hurt like hell that when I have completely made a mess of my life for trying to save this relationship, people are suggesting that I can find a new shoulder to lean on and may be suggesting that I will. That’s when I made up my mind that I should leave her alone if that’s what keeps her happy. But what started from anger shifted to a strange calm when I saw her pic after months on holi. That smile of hers, knowing that she is happy, it just made me a whole lot stronger. 

May be love is not just about making your presence felt. May be it’s also about having the courage to stay away like you don’t exist to give somebody a chance to live a happy and normal life. 

Keep smiling always !!!