Remembering Hitch

Basic principles:                  
No woman wakes up saying: "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today."

Now, she might say, "This is a really bad time for me."

Or something like, "I just need some space." 

Or my personal favorite:

                
"I'm really into my career right now."

You believe that? Neither does she.

You know why?
Because she's lying to you, that's why. You understand me? Lying.

It's not a bad time for her.She doesn't need any space.

She may be into her career.but what she's really saying is,

"Get away from me now."

Or possibly, "Try harder, stupid."

Well, which one is it?

  
                   
 70% of all human communication is nonverbal."Body language".

 28% is your tone.

 So that means that
 2% of it is what you're saying...

Ain't coming out of your mouth,Toby!

Shit!

Of course she'll lie to you.
                   
She's a nice person,she doesn't wanna hurt your feelings.

What else is she gonna say? She doesn't even know you.

Yet.

Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us...

even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it.
                  
And that's where I come in.

My job is to open her eyes.

  
                   
Basic principles:

No matter what,no matter when, no matter who...any man has a chance
to sweep any woman off her feet.Just needs the right broom.

You cannot use what you do not have.
So if you're shy, be shy.
If you're outgoing, be outgoing.

She may not want the whole truth,
but she does want the real you.

  
                   
She may not want to see it all at once,
but she does want to see it.

So tonight, when you're wondering what
to say, how you look, or if she likes you...

                  
just remember, she is already out with you.                   
That means she said yes
when she could have said no.
                   
That means she made a plan
when she could have just blown you off.
                  
So that means it is no longer your job
to try to make her like you.
                   
It is your job not to mess it up.

  
  
                   
The key tonight is hang back.                  
Give her plenty of space.                  
If she lingers at a photograph, move on.
                  
But maintain the visual.

  
                   
It's supposed to be nice and clear tonight.
So when you leave the club, walk a little.
                   
Ask her what she thought about the show...                  
what was her favorite photograph,
why that one.
                
And when she answers,
don't be looking at her mouth.
                  
Don't be wondering
what she looks like naked.
                 
Listen to what she is saying and respond.

  
                  Listen and respond.

  
                   
That way, when it's your turn to talk...                 
you'll have something better to say than,
"I like your mouth."

And all of a sudden,we're on date number two.

In case you didn't go to high school,hitting is a good thing.
                   
So how does it happen, great love?

Are you okay?

- Nobody knows.
- I'm good.

  
                   
But what I can tell you,is that it happens in the blink of an eye.
One moment, you're enjoying your life.

And the next, you're wondering,how you ever lived without them.

Three dates is all I need.

Three dates, and I'll get you here,to the high-stakes medal round...

where eight out of 10 women
believe that the first kiss...will tell them everything they need to know
about the relationship.
                   
After that, you're on your own.
                  
But always remember...

  
                   
life is not the amount of breaths you take.                  
It's the moments that take your breath away.

What is it about guys that makes them want to screw anything that walks. 

even when they're going out with someone as awesome as Allegra Cole?

Why should she waste her heart on some Swedish aristo-brat? Even if he is gorgeous.
If he's stupid enough to cheat...
the world should know he's dumb enough to get caught.
My name is Alex Hitchens.Let's go paint that ceiling.
Now thats my Personal favorite :
Oh, damn.

She's some kind of newspaper columnist.
Comes in here once in a while. Great tipper.
                   
What's her drink?
Usually beer.
Tonight, Grey Goose martini, dirty.
                   
Hi.

I noticed your glass was getting low...                  
so I took the liberty of bringing you another apple martini.
Thank you.
And I couldn't help but notice you look a lot like my next girlfriend.

- What's your name?
- They call me Chip.
                 
You can't get them to stop?                   
That was funny.
                  
Listen, I understand the courage it takes to walk across a room...
and try to generate a relationship out of thin air.

- So don't take the following personally.
- You have fantastic eyes.

 Thanks. Try to listen.

This is no reflection on you. I'm just not interested.

But thank you for the compliment of coming over.
You're welcome.
So do you like Cuban food?
Chip, seriously, that was not code for,
"I wish you'd try harder."
                 
Are you always so shut-down and afraid
that the right man might make you...

Feel like a natural woman?

   
                   
Sorry I'm late, honey.I couldn't get a cab. How was the meeting?
Well, there was a beginning, a middle, and an end.

Nice to meet you, Chip.
You, too.
                  
On the one hand,it is very difficult for a man...to even speak to someone
who looks like you.
                   
But on the other hand,should that be your problem?
So life's kind of hard all around.

Not if you pay attention.
                 
You're sending all the right signals:

no earrings, heels under two inches,your hair is pulled back...
wearing reading glasses with no book,drinking a Grey Goose martini...

which means you had a hell of a week
and a beer just wouldn't do it.

If that wasn't clear enough...there's always the "fuck off"
that you have stamped on your forehead.

Who'd believe there's a man out there
that can sit by a woman he doesn't know..and genuinely be interested 
in who she is,what she does, without his own agenda?

I wouldn't even know,what that would look like.

So what would a guy like that say?

He'd say, "My name is Alex Hitchens and I'm a consultant."
But she wouldn't be interested in that...
because she'd be counting the seconds
until he left.Thinking he was like every other guy.Which, 
life experience has taught her,is a virtual certainty.
But then he'd ask her name
and what she did for a living..and she might blow him off.

Or she might say...

I'm Sara Melas.I run the gossip column at the Standard.

And then he'd ask
all these penetrating questions about her...because he was sincerely,
if atypically,interested.

No.

- No?
- He'd be interested.
But he'd see that there was no way...he could possibly make her realize
that he was for real.
Well, he could be funny and charming and refreshingly original.

Wouldn't help.

- Don't you hate it when that happens?
- Not really.

   
                   
They'd both probably go on to lead the lives they were headed toward.
My guess is they'd do just fine.

It's a pleasure to have met you, Sara Melas.