The Perfect Love

I would not be lying if I say I refrained in every possible way from writing this thing down but relented to an unquenchable desire for expression.

My restless brain is twiddling with the faded memories incarcerated long back somewhere in the unconscious. But the cacophony of my screams being annulled by a mellifluous sound running in the backdrop. The dulcet tones of her voice rendering the effects of an anodyne. "Music is Panacea" might sound like an over exaggeration but its a palliative worth having. The song takes off with a preface that has a powerful flow of emotions.

"You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important that with out them you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless but nothing can save you. And when its over you almost wish if you could re-live that past"

First line has an emphatic touch of reality. Having experienced it , my thought process is in accord with it. Too adamant to take the lessons life will teach you the hard way. The worst thing we could do in such situations is to create a reality distortion field. You can wait across the aeons and put yourself through endless misery. Somebody rightly said that Hope is a remarkable thing but he never mentioned at what cost. Life comes around only once . What you have today will not exist tomorrow and you will loose tomorrow thinking about a day before that. If there is anyone whose getting affected , its only you. Keeping a broken heart is like serving a white elephant. It might make you more empathetic toward others feelings but  in the process letting your inner self getting tormented is too exorbitant a price to pay . And if you didn't go to high school Miss Rihanna let me tell you idioms are a good thing to learn."There is no use of crying over spilled milk " :P

Love is not just a four letter word starting with L ending in E commonly abbreviated these days with an inequality preceding a numeral 3. For 90 percent of the people 90 percent of the time love starts with looks and ends at the sexual organs. If your perception of love is not a fallacy then why is this indifference towards all forms of love existing in our vicinity. Why this parochial outlook towards the Realm of love. What my mother do for me no matter how i am acting is the purest form of love i have seen aesthetic in all its virtue. She never ask me for anything she just trusts me that i will do it myself. When my sis calls me up immediately every time after seeing my ex and tells me about her as if she wishes to make me see her through her own eyes is a form of love that almost astonishes me all the time. When i decides to call it quits with my job , the way Shreyas calles me up and tries to make me understand like a father trying to cajole his child to do the right thing is what LOVE all about. We all commit mistakes, we all have bad experiences but LOVE is never at fault, we humans are. Open yourself to the love of people who cares a lot about you. It will not only obliterate your pain but will make you see the brighter side of what they describe in Text book stories , the perfect love :):)

Geeky BUT Composed

It was the time when i initially joined ST Ericsson, place where I am presently working. I was recruited in place of a person named Sudheer who used to handle most of the integration related activities in Symbian single handedly.

The project was in its completion phase and most of the work was already completed except for one activity CTC++ that was still pending and results were trailing well behind the expected targets set by Nokia. I had worked on application layer before but this was the first time in drivers and I had no exposure to how drivers work at the lower system level in integration with the hardware. The difficult part was that there was a scarcely narrow time frame to learn these things and achieve the targets for CTC++ activity as the product delivery dates were reaching fast. From the day I started working there was a pressure from management side to speed up the learning and bring the CTC++ to a logical end. But the real challenges presented themselves when along with CTC++ , I had to take up the responsibilities of USB package releases to NOKIA, the bug fixes for ER requests raised and running an entire validation cycle for every small bit of tweaking done with the code which is a day long activity.

In the early days I was completely alienated by the pressures of work and the burden of expectations management had put on me when i was just a beginner in embedded systems. I hardly used to get any time for nearly 4 months for my personal life. But what kept me going was the support of my team leader who himself is so dedicated to his work that it really motivated me to exceed his expectations. Another thing that created a lot of problem was my obliging nature. If a team member asks for support in there activities I could not say no. Things got really difficult for me when my mentor left and there was no one to help me or guide me through. That was one time when I found it really difficult to keep up my spirit but only my persisting nature , my penchant for hard work and a bitter dislike for failures kept me going.

At the time of knowledge transfer from Sudheer I constantly tried to imbibe his expertise and skills on CTC++. I used to sit at his desk and handle things on my own while he used to guide me through only when needed. I had to go through the entire documentation beforehand to get inline with the flow of information. I spent the following days absorbing as much information about USB drivers and Symbian Operating system as my brain would permit. I asked my team leader to arrange separate presentations for different aspects of USB Drivers so that I can get an insight on the structural organization of the driver and how it was being written. I used to have difficulty saying 'no' to people , but since CTC++ was a time consuming activity and I was approaching the deadlines I learnt to better set priorities and sometimes had to say no. Whenever I used to feel the burden of pressure I used to remind myself that I was learning so many new things in such a short time and was gaining an expertise with every passing day and people had actually started to ask for my help in their activities.

When I started working on CTC++ activity , the decisional coverage was 55% and functional coverage was 72% with an effort of two years whereas the targets set by Nokia were 80% for decisional coverage and 95% for functional coverage. Last week I got a mail from Line manager appreciating the constant efforts I have put in last 6 months to overshoot the targets well before the delivery deadline in March. I have got an outstanding rating for this activity. This certainly is one of the most fulfilling experiences of my professional life.